Wednesday, May 8, 2013

We have an 8 year old!

Goodness how time flies!  This Saturday will be Austin's 8th birthday!  I have a grown up son!  I'm so excited for this birthday.  It marks a fabulous milestone.  His baptism.  We've been planning and planning and working out little details for this all to come together.  Austin is pretty excited too!  He's really matured and has figured out his role in our family.  He is his sister's protector, and a teacher to his younger brother.  He's learned to be more patient and helpful.  He has learned that he is special and when he tries hard for something he can usually achieve what he wants.  Austin is a brilliant little mind and surprises me with the things he builds out of his toys - its usually pieces put together from 4 or 5 different toys.  Love you little Bubby!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Hello out there?

Does anyone check this thing anymore?  I'm a super bad blogger, I know.  Just curious.

Monday, October 29, 2012


Thursday, September 20, 2012

An Interview with Choopie

This girl is the cutest!!!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

First day of school!

Wow...I feel older!  I have a 2nd grader and Kindergartner now!  Austin and Anaya took off for school on the 20th of August.  They were both so excited to go!  Austin is just a little heart throb and I know the girls are going to love him.  Eeek!  He now goes to the upstairs of the school where his classroom is.

Anaya is just a little darling and is so in love with learning!  She is so excited to show us all her schoolwork she did during the day.  \

And I've had the chance to spend more time with Choopie at home.  She loves to help me clean up and vaccum and play.

The first day of school went wonderfully!  There was no crying from anyone and everything went so smoothly.

The kids are also participating again in the Landsharks running club this fall!  Stay tuned for pics!

Diary of a depressed diva

So...PPD is going good.  Going great I would even say.  I still have my moments when I wake up and feel not completely happy, but not completely sad either.  Just in between.  I've been on my pills for about a month and a 1/2.  And in the midst of all of the wierd emotional imbalances, I've had to makes some lifestyle changes.  And for the better I must say.  :)

I am taking a sleeping pill which makes me sleepy but nauseated, and also my anti-depressant which suppresses my appetite.  The sleeping pill requires me to eat before I take it or I get sick.  The trouble with this cycle is that I don't want to eat - there's not a whole lot of appetite going on.  During the day I do sometimes have to force myself to eat so I have the energy and patience to be with my kids.  Hungry people = grumpy people.  I've realized that I have to eat well - meaning healthy or my body will just store all the potato chips and cheese and junk I would normally eat as fat.  It is amazing what a healthy diet will do!  I eat veggies and hummus at night before my pills and occasionally chips...and snack on veggies and fruit during the day in addition to lunch and dinner.  Extra perk of eating well and sometimes not eating is the weight drop.  Almost 12 lbs in 2 months.

I love feeling happy and more myself and I love that I can eat healthy.....and I really love being able to fit more comfortably in my clothes.  Goodbye pregnancy poundage!  I actually weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant.

I've also become a little OCD about the house being clean before I go to bed.  The clutter of the day stresses me out and stress isn't good for anyone who has depression.  So I have a clean house too!

And I just have to take a moment to brag about my husband, because he really is that great!  (and hunky too!)  Josh has been so great helping out with the kids.  Because I have to take a sleeping pill, he is the one who gets up with the baby at night.  He has been so supportive and loving and knows sometimes to just listen to me rant about whatever.  We are going to beat this!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Embarrassing Moments...

So, while in the middle of my PPD recovery, I have wondered almost daily, "Why don't women who have PPD or have had it ever talk about it?"  Since it took me awhile to figure out that I actually had friends who have gone through the same problem as me, I was able to pin point a few answers on my own of why women are so secretive about it.  (Including myself - guess it's not a secret if I'm blogging about it...)  

1. You're super least I was.  I really didn't want people to look at me like I was broken.  That I could be one of those people that would get looks of pity from strangers as they walk by.  I had also bounced back from my last baby within a day or two and I didn't want people to think I was weak and couldn't do it again.  

2. You have a chemical imbalance.  People quickly assume (Chemical imbalance = CRAZY!!!!)  No one wants to be the crazy person...ever.

3. You are a stinky mom.  The one mom who just couldn't pull it together.  Woman, what were you thinking having another one??!!!

4. On the low days, you find yourself feeling worthless.  You couldn't possibly be a good friend to anyone in this state, no one would want to hang out with you, you are a bad mother and spouse.  No one wants to be around someone who is nothing.  You are the abnormal one.

All of these things make you want to shut your self up into a place where no one can find you.  And if they do, you pretend that everything is normal and you're doing okay even when you aren't because you hate the idea of being pitied.  

So many of us go through this alone.  Why? Why?  It is a heartbreaking ordeal!  I had to have an intervention!  My husband sensed things weren't right and called up my parents to be with me until he got home from work.  No one can control this.  No one can just wish it away.  It is a struggle, even on medication.  There are some days that are just hard and I feel like giving up.

When I told people what I was going through, I had an outpouring of love from my girlfriends.  So many of them shared their stories of struggle and embarrassment with me.  I have a close girlfriend who I've known for about 4 years and I had no clue that she had struggled with this with each of her 4 kids.  Knowing that so many women go through this gave me hope.  This. will. pass.  And I can be me again without having to take medication to make me feel good.  Knowing that so many women go through this made me feel like I wasn't the oddball.  PPD is so much more common than any of us realize.  

It certainly is a growing experience, but through it all, I have found a strength in me that I never knew I had.  I have found a deeper love from my Heavenly Father.  I know that I can handle this with help from my friends and family.  I have prayed so much during this trial to be able to continue being patient with my children while inside I just want to rip my hair out.  I have prayed to have the strength to get up and try to enjoy my day with my children because I cannot ever get this time back.  And through it all, I have felt the comfort of my Heavenly Father with me.  And while it is embarrassing to admit that I did have a bunch of moments being the "crazy one", and that I was willing to just walk away from everything and not come back, and be stuck in a psych ward with my husband for an evaluation for 5 hours (that was our worst date ever!) I know that I may possibly be helping someone else get through their low moment.  So, ladies with PPD, you are not alone!  You are still beautiful, wonderful women and mothers!